Dear April,

My husband tells me I’m becoming a real nag and yet I don’t know how to get him to do what I want (or what needs to be done) without it.  Can you please tell me, what are your tips for getting what you want without nagging?

Signed,

Don’t Want to Be A Nag 

Dear Don’t Want to Be A Nag,

When it comes to men, nagging gets you know where…fast. Knowing the difference between “nagging” and “nudging” does. 

• Nagging is something the average woman resorts to, only perpetuating the idea of “the old ball and chain” through constant and continual criticism.  Nudging your man in the right direction is a subtle art that only the most skilled of wives and girlfriends have mastered that employs “suggestions”, combined with positive reinforcement and appreciation.

• Nagging builds resentment, annoyance, and negativity. Nudging gives your guy a shove so gentle, he almost thinks he made the decision himself (key in getting any man to do what you want). 

• Nagging means you’re letting your every thought fly, only concerned about getting yourself heard. Nudging means you’re being smart, using what you know about men, their egos, and how they operate…and getting exactly the result you want. 

Here are a few scenerios to better explain the differences between a nag and a nudge.

He spends too much money on stereo equipment.

• A nagger would tell him how ridiculous he is for spending so much money on equipment, likely causing him to rebel and make the purchase if for no other reason than to spite her. 
• A nudger would tell her husband that if he makes a sacrifice and gets a less-expensive stereo (which she would really appreciate), she’ll do the same and make an equal sacrifice of his choosing. 

He doesn’t sufficiently acknowledge your birthday.

• A nagger would tell him what a disappointment he is—placing the emphasis on the man instead of the disappointing gesture. The nagger tends to make the man feel badly about himself instead of just focusing on the issue at hand. 

• A nudger would tell him how important celebrating her birthday is—give an example of the perfect celebration, ideally even something he did for her a previous year—and plant the seed for the next one. A nudger is patient.

He spends too much time at the office.

• A nagger would complain that he cares more about work than he does about her, only furthering his lack of desire to come home, and once again making him feel badly about himself.

• A nudger would call him at the office, say that the kids are at the babysitters, his favorite dinner is in the over, and she’s wearing nothing but an apron. The nudger makes it worth his while to come home.